Otis N' Dwayne

Why I Love the Internet - Fashion 1969

2012-02-01T02:11:00.000-05:00

I really don't think I have to say anything about this... speaks for itself. Thank you, dear Internet, for your fabulous bounty.

Meet Cousin Leonard

2011-11-18T19:34:00.000-05:00

Just in time for the holidays! A visit from Cousin Leonard. Thanks Clayton!

Hello Madrid!

2011-10-19T17:56:00.015-04:00

ON'D has left the Jersey Shore. We had a packed outdoor screening where John Waters was in attendance. Curious neighbors watched from their windows as the Captain's farts made the debut en español. The Rizoma Festival is small, truly independent and insanely fun. Here I am with director Dylan Mendoza O'Neil, talking about the festival, the food and the wine.

Here (below) you see (left to right) director Ari Gold who screened his film "Adventures of Power" at the festival, with Gabriela Marti, the founder of Rizoma Festival, Sir John Waters, Dylan, and Tosso Hettinger, composer for ON'D.

We had many amazing meals. On the day of our screening, I got an email inviting us to lunch with John Waters, Pedro Almodovar, and Spanish TV and music stars Alaska and Mario.

Oh, Big Blast, show me a sign... all over Madrid, there were mannequins hanging out.

OTIS N' DWAYNE WORLD PREMIERE MADRID SPAIN, Sept. 10th!

2011-08-07T18:18:00.004-04:00

Please join us for our screening in Madrid, Spain at the Rizoma Festival celebrating This Filthy World featuring John Waters

http://www.rizomafestival.com/

Awesome Breakdance ? Moves

2011-06-11T14:51:00.003-04:00

Looking for inspiration? Look no further. Thank you, Internet, for your gifts.

Frankie Ray in new Sonic Commercial

2011-05-16T23:01:00.005-04:00

Check out Frankie Ray in the new Sonic Commercial...

Frankie stars in Otis N' Dwayne as the lovestruck fallen angel, Leonard...

Join the fight against pediatric cancer!

2011-04-12T01:35:00.007-04:00

I shaved my head in honor of my daughter Eleanor who was diagnosed with bilateral Wilms tumor January 2010. After months of chemotherapy and two surgeries she has been cancer free for over six months now thanks much in part to organizations like the St. Baldrick's Foundation – a volunteer-driven charity that funds more in childhood cancer research grants than any organization in the world except the U.S. government – more than $14 million in 2010 alone. Join us and Let's CONQUER! Look for me at http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/462987

. Thank you.

Species Feces

2010-05-18T20:05:00.003-04:00

Boy have we been busy. Up to all sorts of things - some fun and some no fucking fun at all.. but here on the ON'D Express, we strive to satisfy your cravings for fun and we leave the shit behind. We do, however, want to stress that there is good shit and bad shit, and we definitely support and nurture the good shit..
First off, some of us crossed over the volcano, and visited the fatherland. Now we all know that the Germans love themselves some good 'ol dirty shit, so we figured, let's do a little screening for our friends and family. We got to use the basement of a great spot Annapam and projected our little mutant picture for a small crowd in the intimate space which is something like 500 years old. I am almost certain we showed the most fucked up shit that the space has ever seen. It was tons of fun, and ON'D picked up a bunch of new fans. Guten Tag, ya'all.

***

We returned to Brooklyn and hit the ground running. Tosso (the master behind the soundtrack of ON'D) had a pretty fancy pants gig with his band, Grupo Irék last week - they played at the Plaza Hotel for Sting and Trudy Styler's Rainforest Alliance. It was a dinner / live auction which followed a benefit concert at Carnegie Hall with Sting, Bruce Springsteen, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Debbie Harry, Shirley Bassey, Mary J Blige... I was rubbing elbows with Christopher Walken and Bette Middler. It was fucking fun.

***

Quite unexpectedly I got a visit from my old friend Curtis Brown and his family yesterday and we had a lovely breakfast in our garden. The visit was short and he had to hit the road and head back north after only a few hours. I gave him the gift that keeps on giving. The best game ever for road trips. The best pastime for people of all ages. A simple game that I came up with - it is something that I call "Species Feces" and the rules are quite simple. Come up with a poop that rhymes with the animal's name from whence it came. I will give you a few freebies and I hope that you will come up with many more..
Here are the obvious ones for beginners:
Cat Shat
Dog Log
Bird Turd
I got a text message at 2a.m. some months ago from the West Coast contingent with two simple words:
Lemur Steamer
And Curtis, the Harvard man, emailed me this afternoon, just a day after our visit, with a few gems:
Budgie Fudgie
Viper Diaper
Gorilla Flotilla
Now believe me, I have lots more of these, but I am going to leave some for you... So let the creative juices start flowing.

Thank You Mr. Jonze

2010-04-29T02:19:00.002-04:00

O'ND salutes the NBA

2010-04-24T04:06:00.005-04:00

Fun Fact:

The Official Team of Otis N' Dwayne is the Los Angeles Lakers

Don't Go Bogarting The Captain's Farts

2010-04-21T16:12:00.003-04:00

Happy 420 Everyone. What's that? We're a day late? Of course we are a day late. Yesterday was 4/20 and we were busy.

Celebrate 4/20 with the Captain!

2010-04-21T02:03:00.005-04:00

Nostalgia

2010-03-21T11:05:00.003-04:00

I was talking about Betty Davis which lead to watching Kim Carnes' "Betty Davis Eyes" - after which YouTube suggested I watch "I Come From the Land Down Under" by Men at Work. Both were awesome. What followed hit me hard in the middle of my nostalgia nerve. Nena's classic 99 Red Balloons holds a special place in my gut. When I started taking German in the sixth grade, I remember translating the words from the original German version into English. As I watched with Tosso, I was embarrassed to find myself crying. That is, until I looked over at Tosso and saw him filled with emotion as well. And by the way, Nena is so friggin hot in the video. Watch it!

Frankie Ray on The Sarah Silverman Program

2010-03-12T17:55:00.006-05:00

Our very own Frankie Ray was featured in last night's episode of The Sarah Silverman Program. In Otis N' Dwayne, he plays the lovable Cousin Leonard and the mysterious angel with a soft side, Logan. Watch him get down with the always hilarious and super sexy Sarah Silverman. The Sarah Silverman Program

Threesome

www.comedycentral.com

Futurama New Episodes

Funny Demon Zombie TV Show

Funny TV Comedy Blog

Why I Love the Internet : Omar Souleyman

2010-03-12T16:15:00.002-05:00

This is the most awesome shit. Amazing. I love everything about it. The sample of Centipede - or some other vintage Atari game - just takes it over the top. Try sitting still while you listen to this.

Snow Day!!!!

2010-02-26T17:17:00.008-05:00

I live in Brooklyn, so when nature comes my way, I milk it as much as possible. I took a walk to Prospect Park where there was not only tons of sledding going on, but more snowmen per square foot than I have ever seen in my life, and some of the largest I have encountered, as well. People were building tunnels and forts. I am not sure who was having more fun, the kids or their parents. I went to my favorite secluded spot and was graced with the presence of many beautiful birds. It was a lovely day. I am now back home, nice and cozy, and getting ready for some hot noodle soup! Life is good.

All about Otis Regrets : Tosso Hettinger

2010-02-24T15:35:00.003-05:00

Brooklyn based composer, guitarist, multi-instrumentalist TOSSO HETTINGER was born in Augsburg, Germany. Since the mid-nineties he has been performing, writing and recording music with some of NYC's best jazz, funk and underground musicians.
Hettinger performs regularly with the Cuban band Grupo Irék and the singer and percussionist from his band are also featured on the soundtrack for Otis N' Dwayne. He formed Otis Regrets when he began recording the music for Otis N' Dwayne with his wife, Anne Bernstein.
Otis Regrets: Music for Otis N' Dwayne is Hettinger's second film project- he recorded several songs on the upcoming feature Mango Tango. Below is footage from a recent performance with his band, Grupo Irék.

Badass Brooklyn : Part II

2010-02-14T21:52:00.002-05:00

I passed by this the other day. So simple. So obvious. So friggin funny!

Happy Valentine's Day, Motherf*ckers!

2010-02-13T15:45:00.000-05:00

it's always good to have options

2010-02-11T21:48:00.001-05:00

Badass Brooklyn

2010-02-10T20:48:00.005-05:00

Snowday!!! Thick wet snow everywhere. Tree limbs tired and sagging under the weight of it. Barely any cars. It was the perfect snowman snow. I took the first picture in Carroll Gardens and the second one is from Mike Spears. He takes great pictures. Check out his blogggg.

songs for the captain

2010-02-09T13:35:00.004-05:00

The Captain sure is a special guy. He is quite manly, has a great moustache and his friends love him a lot. So I thought, let's dig up some songs for him. Perhaps these weren't all written for The Captain specifically...

This Styx classic is surely one of your favorite sing alongs. Plus, it offers a great opportunity to show off your air drum skills. The energy level rises, the tension mounts... "come sail away, come sail away, come sale away with me..."

Of course, we have to include The Captain and Tennille in this collection. "Do that to me one more time..." 'nuff said.

Before you head off into the sunset, let me share one more thing. In case you haven't seen it yet, here is a video by yours truly of "Love Song for Captain" which was written for and inspired by The Captain.

oh yea, baby - footsteps in the dark

2010-02-08T16:46:00.002-05:00

Mmmmm! Mmmmm! So sexy for you. The music starts mellow, slow, with a groove divine... Nooo, too sexy. Like the person who uploaded this love masterpiece on to youtube said, "Does anyone have peanut butter? because this is the JAM!"

dirty, trashy, nasty...

2010-02-08T15:35:00.003-05:00

Here is a preview of what the folks at Cult Reviews have to say about us... "While the filmmakers of this new extravagant trashfest are undoubtedly fine people with a healthy imagination, a film sounding this bonkers just begs for our attention." Check out their website and read the full article here: Cult Reviews

Swiss Magic: Part II

2010-02-05T10:44:00.004-05:00

Here is a great little short about two alphorn blowers. It is quite charming. If you have never seen an alphorn or even if you have experienced their magic before, you should check this out.

5 songs to get your juices flowing for V day...

2010-02-03T17:08:00.007-05:00

In no particular order, here are 5 songs to make party in pants or out of pants...

No one makes sexy time as sexy as Marvin Gaye. The title says it all: Let's Get in On.

One part Carly Simon, one part James Bond, two parts sexy. The Spy Who Loved Me is hot hot hot and here you can watch the opening credits filled with naked lady silhouettes and guns.

When's the last time you had a good, tongue filled make out session, hands all over the place? Can't remember? Well there is a good chance Mr. Al Green helped to guide you.

Now, even though he is prone to unbuttoning his shirts one button to many and TMI about his sex life with his wife, Sting remains in possession of one of the sexiest voices, for my money, at least. This version has Spanish subtitles - now that's sexy!

I really don't know to explain the next one, but it gives me goosebumps. I can imagine it blasting at some dank basement party, beer and booze smell in the air, stale cigarettes - having to scream really loud in each others' ears just to be heard...

rants from Anne's pants -or- seeking inspiration: Part II

2010-02-03T13:46:00.002-05:00

WTF - could our souls be more dead? Selling ourselves to foreign investors in some television induced stupor. Obsessing over surgically perfected superstars - the ultimate sales reps - as we get fatter and fatter. How could this happen? We seem to care less and less. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!! The message is loud and clear yet so easy to ignore. We consume at a mad pace and can't get enough. Think this doesn't apply to you? You may be "better" than your neighbor and what you call "most people" but chances are you still live in the same pit as "most people" do. Without a radical approach, getting off the grid, growing most if not all of your own food supply, it is simply not possible to not be wasteful. And frankly, most people are trapped in their current economic situation and can't afford to get off the grid. So we have all entered into a contract where we agree to just deal with the fact that waste is inevitable - inefficiency is tolerated if not encouraged, and convenience is king. We are masters at justifying every frivolous purchase we make. This is a slippery slope, my friends.

Well fuck that. I don't want to sound righteous. I am as fucked as the next guy. I'm just looking for a way out, or at least a light at the end of the tunnel. I think what we need, specifically in the arts, is a little more "FUCK YOU" and a little less "please, Sir, can I have another?" I want to wake up. I hope I can. Without a rich culture, I fear we don't stand a chance - and for some inexplicable reason, the arts are grossly underfunded in this country. Artists are forced to sell out in order to pay their mortgages and buy all kinds of shit.... Or just to eat. The result is very commercial, dollar driven art. Arguably, some of that shit is great and I gobble it up with the rest of the hungry masses. And if that is what people want, it would be silly to give them something else, right?

Well drag me down Debbie! Somebody help me! Desperately seeking some good fucking shit to feed to my soul. I am not an artist. But I am an art lover, an art maker, an art nurturer. So to those of you who are really fucking talented, I call on you to create some ballsy shit and I will be here, cheering you on, drinking the spicy nectar you create. I need it. We all need it.

Let's Go Get Stoned...

2010-02-02T17:17:00.004-05:00

I can't believe I almost passed this by - I was trying to find a video of Ray Charles doing "Let's Go Get Stoned" and I was having no luck. But then I struck afternoon gold: Joe Cocker doing an insane bang up fucking amazing job at Woodstock in 1969. The setting is amazing. The mood, sublime. At one point, Joe breaks out into a mean air guitar, which a moments mutates into air drumming. Talk about practice what you preach. Amen and hallelujah.

the smell of wine and cheap perfume...

2010-01-29T19:04:00.003-05:00

Seriously, folks. I get goosebumps from this one.

Afternoon Delight

2010-01-29T17:35:00.002-05:00

I'm tired. Not sure why. Walked two miles in the bitter cold... Thought it would pick me up, a brisk walk in the sunshine, but it left me exhausted. Then I had pasta with a meat ragu... I didn't have the energy to chew the last few bites; the food coma set in quick. It's not even 6pm and about a half hour ago, I was ready for bed.
But, oh, my warm, milky friend, you rescued me. Thank you, Coffee. To crave you and then to have you is pure ecstasy.

up up - go further faster...

2010-01-22T23:17:00.006-05:00

There are some very creative folks visiting my subway station... They are constantly improving the posters. These are two of my favorites.

why I love the internet

2010-01-21T23:02:00.003-05:00

This is some seriously f*cking awesome footage of some dudes yodeling. The scenery is amazing, the mood is amazing. Be sure to listen for the dog...

the sweet smell of ON'D

2010-01-20T19:10:00.005-05:00

We're working on ideas for the ON'D lifestyle. Scented candles are very popular these days. We are developing some very special scents...
THE CAPTAIN'S FARTS - A delicate bouquet of beer, Filet Mignon and green beans.

OLD MONEY - polyester, schnapps and carnations lend to the full-bodied aroma.

Tosso the doodler

2010-01-18T15:55:00.004-05:00

Tosso likes to doodle. He doodles all over the place. He converts window envelopes into wide mouthed monsters. Every magazine cover in our place has been improved by his inking. A few years ago, his mom dug up some of his old doodles. I think that when I was bored in class, I obsessed about Duran Duran... Anyway, here are two of my favorite examples of his active imagination at work - from way back when.

life goes on: a confession

2010-01-17T12:42:00.007-05:00

For the last few days, I have found myself trying to wrap my brain around what is happening in Haiti. When disaster strikes, if it isn't in your back yard, it is easy to ignore, and frankly, it is hard to function on a daily basis if you really allow yourself to feel the weight of it all. On September 11th, the September 11th, I was in Paris. I lived in Brooklyn at the time, as I still do, but was in the French countryside for a wedding and was finishing up my visit with a quick stop in Paris. I didn't find out about the attacks until the morning of the 12th. I don't know how I missed it, but I was on vacation, busy enjoying myself and cloaked in blissful ignorance. When I got back to my hotel on the night of the 11th, I saw people huddled around the TV in the lobby and I thought, what silly folks for watching TV when they are visiting Paris. On the morning of the 12th, my mother in law knocked on our hotel room door. "New York was bombed." She was confused and upset so the message came out all wrong. We turned on the TV and watch the planes hit the towers over and over and over again.
I remember the day I spent in Paris, after I found out about what had happened, after my reality shifted. My body was possessed by it. But those Parisians seemed to go on with life as usual. I mean, people were talking about it, but things didn't seem different. I longed to be home with my friends. I longed to be with people who felt how I felt. We couldn't get back to NYC for over a week. The planes into the city were backed up. We spent a night at a hotel outside of the airport in Paris. It was in a strange little village. The pillowcases had black spots on them and a mildewy smell. The people at the reception desk were rude. We went to a mediocre restaurant, the only place to find food in the village, and took an after dinner stroll on the little cobblestone streets. There was this tree in the middle of the village that was absolutely filled, packed, with birds, all shrieking in unison. A pair of white panties lay on the ground under the tree and there was bird shit everywhere. It was absolutely creepy and we rushed back to our smelly hotel room. We were able to fly to Germany the next day to be with my in-laws. We found comfort in the company of family and old friends. I made a Rosh Hashanah dinner for my German in-laws. I have fond memories of that time, although I was filled with the most intense longing to be home.
I remember reading about the earthquake in Haiti a few days ago. But I didn't pause. I just continued with whatever I was doing. Slowly over the course of the week, it is starting to sink in. I am trying to digest it, let it under my skin. But it hurts too much. So I head back to life as usual... I go out to hear Cuban music and I dance. I love to dance. To be locked arm in arm with someone and be supported in movement and motion is a high - a totally addictive high. In those moments, I do not think about anything. I am in the moment and I am happy.
I remember when my dad died. I was 24 years old. The pain was tremendous and I had never experienced anything like it before. The night before he died, I wanted to call him, something told me to, but I was busy and kept saying that I would call in five minutes. I never called. At two in the morning, I checked my email and there was a note from him. He died a few hours later. Why didn't I fucking call? I remember after the funeral, I was sitting around and laughing with old friends and family. I couldn't believe it, and I was self-conscious at first, but that was when I learned that I was capable of laughing and I knew that the soul was capable of healing itself and I would be able to be happy again.
So here I sit in my apartment in Brooklyn, reflecting on my life, trying to understand what is going on in Haiti. It just hurts too fucking much. There is pain all around us every day. When you pass someone on the street, you don't know what is going on inside their head, inside their body. We go on with our lives as people suffer pain we will never know and we also go on with our lives as we suffer tremendous pain. I am not trying to compare my father's death or September 11th with what is happening now in Haiti. But I can only measure grief with my own ruler of experience.
I will repeat now the lesson I learned when my father died. Suck the marrow out of life. Live your life. Love and be loved. Fuck it. Go for it. You only live once, so you might as well dance.

oh no they didn't...

2010-01-15T23:58:00.003-05:00

Sometimes the Germans are so silly. Seriously? Hope - the Obama musical? Yes, they can. Yes, they did.

Mr. Brown

2010-01-15T16:20:00.006-05:00

I have known Curtis Brown for close to twenty years. He is one of my favorite people. For reals. He is super smart, really sweet and funny. He doesn't take himself too seriously. He can make me feel so special - you know, the rare type that just makes you feel really good when you are around them, like a happy pill. I am lucky to know him.
Over a decade ago, Curtis introduced me to Otis N' Dwayne. A few years later, he introduced me to Dylan, his childhood BFF, Captain and co-creator of ON'D. Curtis is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
I have been gathering Bios for our website, press kit, etc. and after only a half a year or so of begging, Mr. Brown delivered. I am not going to make you wait that long. Here it is:
Curtis Brown is a Cambridge-based crank, college professor, and literary manqué. He was educated at Berkeley and Harvard. He has written feature articles for Bidoun Magazine, the Beirut Daily Star, and the Harvard Crimson; and his countless irritable letters to the editor have appeared in the New York Times, the International Herald Tribune, the London Review of Books, the Los Angeles Times, the Boston Globe, and the San Francisco Chronicle. He has taught literature at Berkeley, Harvard, Stonehill College, and Haigazian University in Beirut, Lebanon. His former students include Natalie Portman, and Graham Sack, the human child lead in Dunston Checks In.
Brown’s creative collaborations with Dylan O’Neil date back to 1985, when they were thirteen. Otis ‘n Dwayne was written on the porch, on the toilet, and in the shower of the Oakland squat the two of them shared in the late ‘90s.

The Notorious Jerry D.

2010-01-07T17:56:00.001-05:00

Mr. Patrick Hume was kind enough to send us a few words. He plays the amazing Jerry D.
"Born in the Atlas mountain ranges of Tunisia many years ago my life began. And after 10 years of climbing those mountains I moved to the Sahara desert where I became a sand muse performer for all the mirages and people I met along the way. One day I came across a Filmmaker in search of an actor for one very special role in his epic journey of discovery. That filmmaker was Dylan O'Neil, that actor was me, the role was the one and only Jerry D. My dick as my head, my head as my dick and a close call with a gallon of melted vanilla ice cream that was to represent the sperm of man, I survived to tell the tale of "Otis and Dwayne". Enjoy the film and when it hits the theatres of Tunisia, I will be a guest speaker so please join me, it's a wonderful place."

quiet earth

2010-01-07T01:36:00.006-05:00

Here's what Quite Earth has to say about ON'D:

Troma meets Harmony Korine in gay android adventure OTIS N' DWAYNE

I don't know how I've missed this, but this retro looking gem seems to have been languishing for a year now. Why? Hopefully we'll find out soon. It's loaded with inappropriate sex and I'm not exactly sure there's much of a narrative, but the trailer is definitely worth a look.

hell yes

2010-01-05T17:17:00.002-05:00

check it

2009-12-28T11:25:00.003-05:00

I was talking to my mother the other day about keeping a "to do" list. She is really good at it. My earliest memories from childhood include her writing stuff down and muttering something like "I better put this on my list so I remember to do it..." and she always managed to get things done. My mom doesn't know the meaning of procrastination. If she even thinks of doing something, it is as good as done. Here, the apple has fallen far from the tree... I can't even see the orchard.
Don't get me wrong. I get a lot done. I am pretty much always busy. And I am not inefficient or anything. But when it comes to getting a specific task done, my body physically revolts, often conveniently forgetting what it was I wanted to do. At some point, I decided to stop fighting it and start keeping a list. In so many ways I am already becoming my mother, so why resist the "to do" list. So I keep lists. All over the place. I have lists on scraps of paper that reside in the bottom of my bag, wrinkled and forgotten. I have lists on my phone that get longer, not shorter. I got a composition notepad that I carry around with me everywhere I go. "oooh, let me write that down so I don't forget!" Yea, right.
Keeping a list is one thing. Using it is another, my friends. Funny thing, I was reading my friend Oliver's column today, and lo and behold, he is talking about the bloody checklist! Maybe it is no mere coincidence; the end of a year, the anticipation of starting a new one and wanting to start with a clean slate, perhaps...
Back to my conversation with my mom... I was asking her how it is that she manages to tackle the items on her list, confessing to her that although I do keep a list, I suck at actually using it. My mom told me about a friend of hers from college, a super smart, creative genius who would keep notes on a stack of paper - when something got to the bottom of the pile, he would throw it out. Then she laughed. "He ended up killing himself."
Note to self: keep checking the list.

oh SNAP! (I've Got The Power)

2009-12-28T11:02:00.003-05:00

Ok, I am totally having a love affair with the interweb.. The access to free music and videos is INSANE. Don't get me started on Google Maps. Anyway, this morning, Tosso was asking if I remember that song "I've Got the Power" and presto, I can find it instantly on youtube. Badassss. Absolutely badass. The mixture of anger and innocence is totally endearing. Check it, yo!

friends, family and loved ones...

2009-12-25T15:02:00.002-05:00

This holiday season, I am humbled by the great friends and friendships I am so lucky to have and the amazing and generous support I have received from loving family members. So many amazing characters in my life. I can't wait to see what happens next... XO

let it snow

2009-12-21T14:30:00.002-05:00

NYC was covered with an awesome foot deep blanket of snow. Now it is a dirty mess. That reminds me of this great image of The Captain (Cole Kutz) and his Second Wife (the amazing Agatha Downing...)

All About ON'D Part 1: Meet The Captain

2009-12-17T22:41:00.006-05:00

We recently started gathering bios from the fabulous people behind Otis N' Dwayne which we will be adding to our website along with an EPK and all sorts of other good stuff. But I just can't wait to start sharing so I will be letting it out in dribs and drabs for ya'all here on the ON'D blog. Let's start with The Captain, shall we? The following is from a recent interview:
Cole Kutz was approached by his agent to audition for the role of The Captain in Otis N' Dwayne in 1997. At the time he was playing Hamlet at the prestigious Duke of York's Theatre in London. "After first looking at the script I asked my agent if he had gone completely mad!" Kutz said in an interview in NYC. "He then told me that he felt that this film was bound for Greatness, and that I should stretch out & expand - flex my acting muscles as it were, to try to do something other than Shakespeare, which I had been performing exclusively for the past 11 years. I mean, I was a Purist. He told me to CAREFULLY re-read the script. I reluctantly did, but later was overjoyed that I did. I then discovered how oh so very subtelty this script brilliantly reflected many of The Bard of Stratford-On-Avon's works in oh so many ways! Otis N Dwayne is indeed a profound statement of current global issues in modern literature, as well as an innovative cinematic masterpiece. I feel honored to be a part of it".

it's wind's illusions I recall...

2009-12-14T20:38:00.007-05:00

I was walking in Red Hook the other day. It was cold as a motherfucker. Then came the wind. I was leaning forward at a 45 degree angle; it was like climbing a steep hill. Tosso, trying to see the bright side, said, "well at least the wind will be going the same direction as we are on the way home."

"Don't be to sure about that," I said, having observed that the wind often changes, for some strange reason, and I get it gusting in my face, blowing off my hood, making my eyes water, cracking my lips, no matter which way I am headed, as if it is some strange metaphor for my life.

We made it to Fairway with only mild ear pain and loaded up on groceries to lug back in our packs. Froot Loops were on special and I got two huge boxes for seven bucks. Score!

On the way home, luck was on our side, and the wind was at our backs. What a difference. So much easier to walk. But then came the paranoia. If the wind is coming from behind us, then I won't be able to see when some huge chunk of garbage or a garbage can lid comes flying at me. I fantasized about a flimsy section of a corrugated metal wall with razor wire on top, which I was walking next to, getting ripped out and toppling over on me... getting sliced by the wire. Or those chalkboards that stores put out - one of those could totally come flying at me and I wouldn't know it... At least it wasn't raining so I wouldn't have to contend with stray umbrellas spiraling towards me - especially those cheap, two dollar umbrellas that invert at the first sign of wind and lie scattered on the sidewalks after a good rain.

Needless to say, I made it home in one piece where I promptly treated myself to not one, but two bowls of Froot Loops.

Bark at the Moon! Blast from the Past!

2009-12-12T10:52:00.012-05:00

Anne's Post of the little doggie howling reminded me of a short film I made in college...

Kap'n Krunch and the Kool Aid Kid Acid Test Movie! We used Ozzy's Bark at the Moon song...

Enjoy!

howl at the moon

2009-12-10T20:22:00.002-05:00

Must be some sort of mistake???

2009-12-02T23:54:00.002-05:00

RE: 9550-UNF- Otis N' Dwayne

Dear Anne,

On behalf of our Programming staff, I would like to thank you for submitting your film to the 2010 Sundance Film Festival. Unfortunately, we are not able to include it in our program this year. We received a record 9,800 submissions this year, and many tough decisions had to be made in order to narrow the field down to under 200 films. Please know that your work was carefully considered by our team, and we viewed far more worthy films than we had room for in the program. I sincerely hope that this decision does not discourage you in any way. We wish you the best of luck with your film, and we look forward to having the opportunity to view your work in the future.

Sincerely,

John Cooper

Director, Sundance Film Festival

more chocolate love

2009-11-27T17:04:00.011-05:00

Applying to film festivals is a bit like standing naked in front of a bunch of blind people - you feel really nervous, excited and vulnerable about putting yourself out there, yet you hope and pray that someone will notice you. Needless to say, we are standing naked right now. This has me feeling anxious and requiring constant comforting in the form of delicious treats. Here are two of the most insanely awesome chocolate concoctions you can buy, both of which I discovered only recently so I hope to have many weeks left before I overdo it and get sick of them and never want to see them again.

This blend of rich, almost dark, milk chocolate, bacon and smoked salt is heaven in a bar. Mo's Bacon Bar is not a cheap chocolate bar but in the grand scheme of things, it does not cost a lot of money and provides much pleasure. I don't know what the chef was smoking when she came up with this one, but me likey!

Ciao Bella makes some of the best gelato this side of the Atlantic - just leave it out to soften a bit before you indulge... This chocolate jalapeno combo has my name written all over it. At first it is all innocent. But veiled in delicious chocolate is a spicy after kick in the ass. Hells yea!

f*ck it, I'm thank full

2009-11-27T00:05:00.003-05:00

Ate like a queen although I am broke, drank away my worries in the company of friends and loved ones. I am happy. I am full. I am satisfied.

IT DIDN'T TOTALLY SUCK

2009-11-17T00:04:00.011-05:00

IT DIDN'T TOTALLY SUCK is how this comment card from a recent focus group screening begins...

It ends with ... YOU SUCK, EAT A BAG OF SHIT! - We may end up using some of these gems for our marketing materials...

Otis N' Dwayne love it or leave it!

The film that wouldn't die

2009-11-09T23:37:00.010-05:00

Otis N' Dwayne is a feature film twelve years in the making I pretty much gave up on finishing it a couple years ago. It was languishing on the bottom of the ocean and haunting me in the back of my mind.

Most of the filming was done and I couldn't make sense of the edit. Ironic since I edit film for a living. As a last ditch effort I put a listing on craigslist offering a $1000 to help me finish the edit.

I got a ton of responses mostly from totally unqualified individuals and then this one....

Hey there,

My name is Kelsey Hoover. I'm a working editor, or editress, as I prefer to be called... I watched your trailer and think you are a madman, and possibly a genius. I'd love to work on the film.

I have my own Final Cut at home, which suits me because I always work naked. I hope that's okay with you, and that you're comfortable with working around a nude editress. Can't say how long I've been a nuditress, really, just that ever since I quit working at Trailer Park and got my own setup at home, I haven't been able to bring myself to put on any clothes. I mean, why bother if it's hot, and you're working alone at home, right? Now I'm at the point where I only work with directors and clients who are comfortable with coming to my house and having me be nude while I work.

You strike me as someone who'd understand. So you should give me a call. 310-592-26xx. If my assistant Ben answers, just tell him who you are and leave a message. And be sure to tell him whether or not you'd be comfortable with nudity. That will determine whether or not I return your call. Sorry, but we do get a few pervs.

I can't wait to hear from you! How exciting!

Kelsey

... Sent by my co-worker Danny as a practical joke.

June 2008 I'm in New York celebrating my birthday with my wife when Curtis (my BFF and screenwriter of Otis N' Dwayne) takes me to a BBQ at his musician friends Anne and Tosso's where we drink beer and they introduce me to something called the "Volcano" - Tosso and I get to talking and turns out he's seen a rough cut of the movie and liked what he saw. I said...

"Hey why don't you do the soundtrack blah blah blah..."

And the rain was pouring down in buckets - it was my first time in Brooklyn, Anne and Tosso have a lovely garden and make a nice BBQ. Part of the building was beginning to flood. I hitched a ride back to the city with two guys named Brad and that was that...

Four months later and I'm back in LA actually found someone on craigslist to help me edit the film. Jose Manuel Jimenez from Madrid, a Spanish feature editor (here's his IMDB page), who truly responded to the trailer, the screenplay and the rough cut and offered to do it for free! What the hell, why not?

My cell rings and it's Anne and Tosso they have some songs for the film. Amazing. The songs are great. I can't believe it - I'd totally forgotten about our conversation that rainy day in June.

Jose's cut is great. He trimmed twenty to thirty minutes of fat from the film, restructured some scenes and broke it up into chapters. Suddenly it's playing and flowing with an energy and coherence that it never had before and WE HAVE ORIGINAL MUSIC.

I can't believe it. We finished the movie. Have screened it to private audiences on the big screen twice now and began applying to film festivals.

Otis N' Dwayne will not die.

I thank my lucky stars for Anne, Tosso, Jose and Curtis. From Brooklyn, to Madrid, to LA we made it happen with email, external hard drives, and file sharing on the internet. I don't even think there was the internet when we began this project. I've never even met or spoken to Jose in person. The miracle of modern technology. The miracle of Otis N' Dwayne...

Sincerely,

Haunted No More

collaboration = antidote

2009-10-29T12:10:00.007-04:00

As another birthday approaches, and the weather turns cold, I find myself sitting in a puddle of reflection - what a year this has been. I have had countless failures and limited success. I have had some highs, but mostly found myself scraping the rocky bottom. This year of crap has left this self-loathing Jew with no shortage of material for my conversations in my head that beginning every night when I go to bed and continue from when I get up in the morning. And to top it off, I am actually still quite lucky - I am not lonely, I am in good health and however unfortunate I may feel, I am actually quite fortunate as I do not know true poverty - so you see, I can't even feel sorry for myself; I can only feel like I am a piece of shit.
Pulling myself out of this vortex every day is no small task. Thank god for coffee. Just the first cup, so good, starts me on my way. Time spent in the garden... That is always amazing. Especially when I am planting things or harvesting crops. Now there is a task that I can set out to complete and actually finish. I can stand back and reflect on my work, I can watch it grow, tend to it, and see the fruits of my labor. So many things in life leave me with the difficult task of determining if I actually accomplished what I set out to do and wondering did I do the best possible job I could do. Naturally, I take great pleasure in shredding myself to bits. Don't get me wrong, I am able to give myself credit for my accomplishments and I often brag about being always right to my husband (which he loves) but I still manage to find the poop in the panties when I lie in bed at night and reflect.
Working on Otis N' Dwayne has been an amazing departure from my usual masturbatory lifestyle. This is the first real collaboration I have worked on. What a treat it has been. How nice to work on something that is not all mine. I guess I am sort of a control freak, but that can't really be true when I take so much pleasure from working with other people, getting and giving input, watching something evolve from the inside and from an outside perspective as well.
I have screened the movie for small groups over the last few months. Some people really loved ON'D and others were baffled, some laughed out loud the whole time while others sat confused and distraught. But at the end of the day - here is the amazing part - I saw the glass as half full. I focus on the positive. After all, no one set out to make a movie that everyone will love. Otis N' Dwayne is meant for a certain someone who thinks it's the motherfucking shit, just like I did the first time I saw it and still do after watching it at least thirty times. ON'D is all-or-nothing take-it-or-leave-it. And I am drinking the Kool Aid.
So now, after I finish my long list of stupid fucking fuck-ups and tasks left unfinished and things I could have done better, I hum myself to sleep with the soundtrack of my perverted little movie that I love so much and I so grateful to be a part of.
Signing off, worrying that this is stupid and sappy and wondering if I should publish it at all...

blessed unrest

2009-10-26T17:53:00.004-04:00

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable it is nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others." - Martha Graham

Burkeman approves...

2009-10-21T21:09:00.005-04:00

I recently posted photos on Facebook from Sunday's screening of Otis N' Dwayne. One of my favorites is of my friend Oliver. He looks skeptical. Under the picture, I wrote "Obviously Mr. Burkeman does not approve of something..." And this, my friends, is his reply... "I have no memory of what it can have been that I disapproved of... The beer was good, the company was excellent, and the movie, in its own deeply horrifying and brain-melting way, was wonderful." All this from a Brit. Cheers to Otis N' Dwayne. Cheers Oli!

private screening at the Parkside Lounge, NYC

2009-10-20T20:22:00.007-04:00

It was a great night that ended out of focus but people clearly had a lot of fun... or at least some of them did. Otis N' Dwayne is not for everyone. Otis N' Dwayne, love it or leave it.

It was a cold, gray, rainy night in NYC. We met on the Lower East Side at the Parkside Lounge. This place was perfect for ON'D madness. The bar is a no mess, neighborhood spot that hosts really great music shows and the occasional movie screening. They mixed up special cocktails just for ON'D - the Big Blast, the Otis N' Dwayne and a generously sized Singapore Sling. Plus, we were handing out free Ho Hos, so you know the guests were happy.

The screening went really well. The sound mix was great, the editing was tight - it was the best I have seen it. I am really proud to have been a part of it. We got a ton of positive feedback. After the screening, a bunch of hard core fans hung out and together we hashed out a plan for guaranteed success. Now, as I said before, the night ended in a blur so I can't quite remember the whole strategy that we mapped out, but I am sure that there is something to that feeling we had, the feeling that it is crystal clear that Otis N' Dwayne is on the path to greatness. I hope it takes me along for the ride. I am having so much fun.

free chocolate love

2009-10-12T11:45:00.004-04:00

What is it about the ho ho that is so so tempting? Is it the chocolate shell that inevitably flakes off, falls into your lap and onto your shirt leaving a chocolate stain? Is it the super sweet and mysterious cream filling? Who knows what the secret is to what goes into making these tempting treats, but what I do know is that on Sunday, October 18th at 8pm we will be screening Otis N' Dwayne for friends and family AND we will have ho hos a plenty on hand for our lucky guests. Did you just do a double take? What's that? FREE ho hos? So friends, if you have been on the fence about whether or not to crawl out of your cave on Sunday night, surely I have just convinced you that it will be worth it. Here are the details:
Sunday, October 18th
Parkside Lounge - 317 E. Houston Street btw B&C
8pm - Drinks and pre party
9pm sharp - Screening of Otis N' Dwayne
More drinks during and after screening.
Free HO Hos and salty snacks.

fukuda factor part II

2009-10-08T17:09:00.003-04:00

Episode VII: Trip to the Darkside
Here is a short by director Dylan O'Neil featuring none other than Mr. Fukuda. In short: HOT CHICKS! BLOOD! GORE! BOOZE! STORMTROOPERS! THE EPISODE LUCAS DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE!
Check it out, yo!

I Get High

2009-10-06T12:12:00.009-04:00

I went to the High Line yesterday on the most perfect Autumn in New York day. I am not going to wax poetic about it. It is perfect. Could not have been done better.

Douche Levels Rising

2009-09-30T12:34:00.004-04:00

Somehow, I seem to be surrounded by douchebags a lot lately. Looking for some relief, or at least something to laugh at, I found myself at Urban Dictionary, where I found some fantastic definitions for douchebag. Here is a small sampling, but it is definitely worth going to the site and reading them all:
Douchebag - Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confused with douche.
Rob:He kept hitting on my girlfriend at the party, he just wouldnt leave her alone!!
Sam: God, what a douchebag.
Douchebag - A person with a shitty personality that needs to "take themself the fuck down" or "go home and get their fucking shine box." A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.
Damn, i thought "Beverly Hills 90210" won the permanent award for most douchebags casted in one weekly television show, but then someone had to go make that show, "Friends."

Feeling Jewey

2009-09-28T21:22:00.004-04:00

In honor of the holiday (Yom Kippur), I ate all day long and felt miserable about all the crap that I have been through over the past year. So it only makes sense that I ended up at theOld Jews Telling Jokeswebsite.

fukuda factor

2009-09-24T18:42:00.005-04:00

I met John Fukuda at the Asian American International Film Festival here in NYC a couple of years ago. He has worked with Dylan O'Neil on a couple of projects, including Otis N' Dwayne, and although we never crossed paths at the time, we both lived in the same D.U.M.B.O. loft building back in the day. I recently stumbled upon a short that he is in which is all about Hall & Oates. Now, Daryl Hall was my first super crush. I went to see them in concert when I was in fifth grade. When I moved to Berlin in 1993, I brought only one cassette tape with me: Hall and Oates - Rock 'N Soul Part 1. I wished my name was Sara.

showroom dummies

2009-09-23T20:46:00.001-04:00

Otis N' Dwayne is a "typical mannequin love story." So I went searching for other mannequin stories on the interweb. Of course I came across the 1987 classic starring Andrew McCarthy (whom I had such a teen crush on) and a pre-Sex in the City Kim Cattrall. I was extra pleased to find a two-pack offer "one for him. one for her." pairing "Mannequin" with "Kansas" which also starred Mr. McCarthy alongside Matt Dillon. I don't know if I have ever seen Kansas, but I have a hard time imagining anything starring Andrew McCarthy really being "one for him."
But my favorite discovery by far was the song "Schaufensterpuppen" from Kraftwerk which was recorded in German, French and English. Schaufentsterpuppen literally means mannequins, but these silly Germans translated it to "Showroom Dummies" which just makes it that much more awesome. The Kraftwerk website is really wunderbar and worth checking out.

better than Schindler's List

2009-09-23T19:05:00.002-04:00

We have done a few private screenings for a few lucky friends. The response has been really positive. We have these comment cards that we pass out after the screening for the viewers to fill out - a little market research goes a long way... When asked to describe the film in their own words, people gave us some great responses - I am going to share a few of them with you now.
"Crazy, funny, really good"
"Instant cult classic"
"Hilarious, arty, dense"
"John Waters - part exploitation film, part art film"
"ummmm.... nuts"
"... fun, dirty and subversive"

Seeking Inspiration

2009-09-23T16:32:00.001-04:00

I recently closed my business which I have had for over six years. I am still as busy as ever. I mean, I have things to do (like, um, start a blog) but I find myself trying to fill every minute with a task or a mini-adventure so that I don't have any opportunity to sink into a pit of self pity. Really, if you give me just five minutes alone with myself, I start shredding myself to pieces. And really, I am a lucky person; things aren't that bad. Still, left with this identity crisis, I am in the process of trying to masterfully reinvent myself. I am searching everywhere for the answer to the question: what should I do next?
Now when I say I am searching everywhere, what I mean is anywhere where I can go for free. I have been taking long walks through Brooklyn. In the space of a few hours, I can visit China, Italy, Greece, Mexico, Puerto Rico... I am really into the Brooklyn China Town. It is not as crazy as downtown Manhattan, it smells a lot better (despite the huge selection of fresh seafood that is displayed in the open on ice) and it is huge. I have eaten some good, cheap meals there.
After these long walks - the last one culminated at Coney Island just as the sun was setting - my head is clear, but somehow also filled with ideas and inspiration as well.

b*tches and hohos, that's what's up

2009-09-22T19:20:00.001-04:00

The soundtrack I created with Tosso and the help of a few friends, which I will hopefully be able to repay some day, is a mix of funk, salsa, pop, rock, jazz, house... and rap. The rap is hilarious and definitely worth checking out. Let's just say that yours truly didn't have faith in Tosso's rapping ability. Boy did he show me. And yes, that is me cooing in the background.

as one journey ends, another begins

2009-09-22T18:16:00.002-04:00

For me, the journey began something like twelve years ago. My friend Curtis Brown was visiting me in Brooklyn and he brought along a copy this movie he was working on... This was back in the days of VHS. A group of about ten or so friends gathered at my D.U.M.B.O loft (my rent at the time was $325.00 a month) to watch Otis N' Dwayne. I, for one, was certainly not prepared for the hours that followed. The movie was mashed together with "scene missing" flashing on the screen every few minutes. I had never watched a film-work in progress before and thought that this was all part of the crazy style of the movie. Anyway, it was more like a collage - a series of images and ideas held together with crazy glue. I really did not understand anything as I watched it. But I didn't care. It was visually arresting and I knew that I wanted to know more and would watch it again some day hopefully.
Fast forward some eleven or so years... Otis N' Dwayne director/producer /co-screenwriter Dylan O'Neil is visiting NYC and drops by a BBQ I am hosting in my back yard with his childhood friend and my old friend Curtis. I start telling everyone about how the two of them made this amazing movie... Naturally, I asked when they planned on finishing the film - seeing as it had been in production for over a decade already. Dylan asked my musician husband Tosso if he wanted to do the soundtrack for the movie and the collaboration was born. Soon after, I started writing songs with Tosso, recording vocals and cheesy keyboards... Over the past year, we created an entire soundtrack of original songs (except for one cover) and scored the movie as well. I never expected to be doing any of this.
We are putting the finishing touches on our baby right now, cleaning up the sound, pumping steroids into it. Soon, we will begin applying to film festivals and raising the funds we need to help finish what Dylan and Curtis started so many years ago.
Welcome to the Otis N' Dwayne blog. We hope you enjoy the ride.